The Way I See it: Number 1

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It's important to have an open mind. There are two sides to every story. If you take a moment and try to see things from another person's point of view, you will come to understand them more clearly.

Happy Wednesday

"I was born with an enormous need for affection,

and a terrible need to give it."

-Audrey Hepburn

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"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."

-Louise Erdrich

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Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous

-Sex and the City

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Once I lived in Spain

Two years ago I studied abroad in Spain and I can honestly say it's the best thing I've done so far in my life. I know I've probably written about living there before, but I can't help but think about it a lot. Sometimes when I can't sleep at night I try to remember what the places I visited looked like. I think about the host family and how they were some of the nicest people I've ever met. Angela, my host "Mom" would come in every morning at 7:45 and wake me up. I would get up and get ready and then go sit in the kitchen and talk with her while I ate my breakfast. She fixed hot chocolate, two pieces of toast, and cookies. Every. Morning. Let's just say I wasn't too surprised when the button to my pants burst off one day (I'm not even kidding). By the time I got home all I wanted was a bowl of cereal and some pancakes. Angela's husband, Agustin, was a pretty quiet guy, but one of the kindest, most polite men I know. And man did he love soccer. We watched matches almost every night at the dinner table and he would shoot up out of his chair unexpectedly and yell at the TV. I grew up playing soccer, so I loved every minute of it.

Sometimes when I'm on a trip time flies so fast that suddenly, trip is over without really being able to appreciate it. I didn't let myself do that in Spain though. I would remind myself everyday as I walked to class that I did it. I did what I always said I would do, and I made it to Spain. I went to class with students from all over the world and made some really great friends. And thanks to Facebook I still get to talk to them every once and awhile.

I think the thing I miss most about Spain are the people. I had some of the craziest professors. We had so much fun in class talking about the most random things. Just speaking Spanish was practicing and getting better, so we could talk about whatever we wanted. We talked a lot about movies, food, music, and how they were all different in our countries. By the end of the semester we all thought each others' countries were pretty crazy , but we had a lot fun talking about it. 

 

The best thing about Spaniards is that they're extremely straightforward and blunt. I love it. Most of them don't bother sugar-coating anything and just say exactly what they think. At first it was really hard to get used to how blunt they were. I grew to like it a lot though; it saves time and energy and I think it somehow rubbed off on me because I find myself speaking up and saying things I would have never said before. The best part about it is when a Spaniard complements you, you know they mean it. They wouldn't say it if they didn't. And let me tell you, honestly really is the best policy. Here's a few more pictures.

Learning

* Disclaimer: I know this is long, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and just needed to get it out. :) *

The older I get, the more I realize that I have so much to learn still.  I've been thinking a lot lately though, about how far I've come since my first year of college.When I first moved away from home, I knew living on my own would be different, but I wasn't at all prepared for actual life. First I realized that living is expensive. You reach into the cupboard to grab something your Mom always had, only to realize it's not there. Let's just say there were quite a few tearful phone calls to my Dad that first year when my bank account somehow kept reaching zero. So you accept the fact that being on your own isn't quite the breeze you thought it would be...

Then it comes to friends. You sit in your first class surrounded by 250 other students and you realize you don't know a soul. You finally understand how it feels to be in a room full of people, but still feel alone. You sit by yourself expecting someone to introduce themselves to you...and no one does. Not everyone knows you like they did in High School, and even worse, no one seems to care. It's hard at first, but you accept the fact that you have to be proactive and start sitting by people and getting  to know them.

Then there's the ever confusing male population. I still haven't come close to figuring that one out (doubt I ever will!). All I can say is that there has been plenty of heartbreak, rejection, and insecurity. It's just part of life. After awhile you get stronger and you start to find one here or there that knows how to be respectful and kind.

Then it comes to a job. Dad tells you that you've got to learn to take care of yourself so you write up a resume and take it to a few places. No one calls you back. You slowly realize no one is going to say, "Oh, I know your Dad! I'd be happy to hire you" like they have so many times before at home. There are thousands of other students who are applying for the same jobs as you. So you accept the fact that you have to figure this one out yourself. And you march right up to the manager at a nice restaurant and shake his hand. Who would have thought you'd still be working here 4 years later?

There is a house of guys that I've become pretty good friends with. They hang out with a group of freshman girls quite a bit and at first I was incredibly annoyed by them...(was I ever that loud??) But then I remember what it felt like to be in their shoes. I can see little glimpses of insecurity behind their non-stop chatter. They just want to be accepted. Sometimes I want to stop them and say, 

"Hey, it's okay. Step by step you figure things out. More times than you'd like to admit, you are wrong and have to start working through things all over again. But everything is going to be okay. Surround yourself with people who respect you for who you are and just be yourself. Things will never go as planned, but they will work themselves out anyway. You'll look back someday and realize you've come a long way and that you're happy."

 

Facing up to things

 Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.
-Sarah Dessen

Brian Andreas

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I never knew emptiness could weigh so much, she said. I can barely hold it. So I sat beside her & reached for her hand & we held it together.

I just want to be loved, she said & I said That's easy. She looked at me. Well, she said, there are a few other things on my list, too. 


-Brian Andreas


Thanks to Nicole at My Teacups in Peony, I just discovered Brian Andreas and...I'm in love. A few of those short, simple sentences seem to sum up my thoughts and emotions perfectly. So if you haven't read him before, go check out Nicole's post here. I think you'll like it.

What's on my mind

I'm exhausted. Mentally (6 page paper was due today), Emotionally (boys), Physically (haven't been able to sleep the past 2 nights).

Rejection hurts no matter where it comes from.

"Sometimes you gotta lose till you win." - Sugarland (don't like the band, like the song)

The snow is ruining my life. (okay that's dramatic I know, but that's how I feel right now)
Because of said snow, I'm wearing cowboy boots. Which I'm strongly opposed to when it comes to an everyday wardrobe, they make me feel like a hick. I prefer to save them for when I am actually riding my horse (which only happens a few times a year)...but it turns out they make pretty good rain/snow/slush boots. Ugh.


I have a date in about 1 minute that I'm really excited for.

“The bottom line is that we never fall for the people we’re supposed to.”

— Jodi Picoult (My Sister’s Keeper)

As soon as I'm done with school (1 year from now) I'm moving to the Equator.

"Sucede que me canso de ser hombre(mujer). - Pablo Neruda

On a lighter note, I applied to be a Business Ambassador and I got the position! I'm realllllllllyyy excited to have something that could open some doors career wise (Ambassadors help host the highly successful business men that come to campus).

54 days till I leave for South America!

Also, I know that this most likely doesn't make sense to anyone, but no one is home and I needed to vent. Okay I'm done now, thanks.

One thing

Quiero que sepas                                        I want you to know
una cosa.                                                    one thing.

Si de pronto                                               If suddenly
me olvidas                                                  you forget me
no me busques,                                          do not look for me,
que ya te habré olvidado.                           I will have already forgotten you.

-Pablo Neruda

Just so he knows...

When the phone ain't ringin'

that's me not callin'.

I don't remember where I heard this,
but it's perfectly fitting for today.

A boy I've been sort of dating (and by "sort of" I mean there has been no D.T.R. so I'm not exactly sure what's going on)

just told me that he has some 
"stuff he needs to figure out".

Hope he figures it out while I'm on a date Thursday. :)

Ohhhh dating life... 

Happy Monday

(via the notebook doodles)

Good Stuff

"When you're in something you gotta give it everything you have, or else, what are you doing?"

- Reese Witherspoon in "How Do You Know"

(Dumb movie, good line.)

Doubt

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"Holding people away from you, and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. if anything, it makes you weaker. Because you’re doing it out of fear.” 

— Sarah Dessen

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.”

— Siddhārtha Gautama